Defying beauty

I spent a good part of this afternoon skimming through articles in a newly circulating magazine "Fresh" that deals with anti-aging and cosmetic therapy. The smorgasbord of effective products and treatments now available to shave years off one's face is very impressive. And these are not mere snake oil remedies taking advantage of our unquenchable quest for perfection--thanks to wealthy baby boomers, whose research dollars have made it conceivable for the this generation to find the fountain of eternal youth and beauty.

I don't deny that looking young and beautiful is a desire of my heart too. But there are two faces in my memory that put things into perspective.

The first I saw years ago when I was riding on a bus. A couple of people were sitting behind me and I couldn't help but overhear their conversation. One woman in particular had a very foul mouth; every sentence that spilled out of her was filled with profanity and criticism for the people in her life. Her words revealed a very bitter and petty soul. How surprised I was to turn around and see the mouth belonging to a fresh-faced, blond and blue-eyed teenager. I thought, "How odd, that princess look doesn't match the sound at all!"

The second memorable face appeared in a documentary movie entitled, "Searching for the Wrong-Eyed Jesus". The film documented a journey through poor areas of the Southern US. One segment featured an old woman with an unforgettable face. She had small eyes, a long hooked nose, sunken chin and virtually absent jaw line. Her white, papery skin sagged from the passage of many years; time clearly left its mark. But the most riveting thing was what came out of her mouth, she was singing a hymn of praise with complete serenity.

I found myself asking, "How many years of teasing and ridicule she may have endured because of her looks? Was she ever married and was she loved? How was it possible for her to sing so beautifully to God?" This time I thought to myself, "How odd, that look doesn't match the sound of the princess at all!"

Snowing!

American Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving for our neighbour to the south. It's just about the biggest holiday in the USA, bigger than Halloween and Easter, close to Christmas. Why? Because the day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday, with the largest sales of the entire year--an even bigger shopping day than our Boxing Day.

We North Americans are really good at turning every holiday into a shopping frenzy. Our consumer traditions around these celebrations obscure the real meaning of the holidays, which are often lost in the shuffle--even for those who are religiously inclined.

I do love the traditions, the festivities and even the frantic rush, but the joy from these are short lived. On the few occasions where I'm able to connect the holiday with the real reason for its celebration, deeper feelings emerge, evoking enjoyment that can't be bought or sold.

It's Christmas everyday

Someone who had laser eye surgery done to correct his myopia once said to me that enjoying 20/20 vision the moment he wakes up is like having Christmas everyday.

No longer needing contacts or glasses is pretty cool, but that's not as great as the original Christmas present.

For me, being able to wake up every morning and start the day with a clean slate is an awesome gift. What I mean is that we all make mistakes, we all have regrets and we all struggle with guilt over something we've done in the past. And these errors cast shadow on our minds and hearts whether we like it or not. But in Jesus, God redeems our errors and forgives us completely again and again. A guilt-free clear conscience everyday, that's what we enjoy from receiving Jesus--God's perfect gift.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning..." Lamentations 3:22-23

Heavenly body

Whenever we feel depressed about our bodies' flaws (thanks to the advertising industry), it's helpful to consider our future eternal bodies. The Bible doesn't describe them in detail but we can catch possible glimpses by studying peoples' accounts of Jesus after his resurrection.

Consider these:

He was able to walk through walls (John 20:19; Luke 24:31, 36-37)

He still enjoyed eating (Luke 24:42-43)

His physical form was still recognizably familiar (John 21:12; Luke 24:39-40)

Plus, we read in Revelation 21:4 that we will be free from sickness and death. The imperfections we face today can fade in importance when we know our future frames will be perfect and absolutely incredible.

It's like...having an old beat up Chevy today isn't so bad when I know tomorrow I'll be getting a jet plane!

Men who saw horror

This is my visual dairy for Remembrance Day, inspired by the New Pornographers' beautiful tune 'Adventures in Solitude' (though the lyrics have little to do with real war).

To run or not to run

Today the sky looked like one big grey blanket, thick with heavy clouds. Relentless rain poured non-stop. The sun was completely veiled except for a few minutes in the afternoon, when it dipped beneath the clouds before setting over the far horizon, a mere sliver of light, peeking through for a few moments--what a tease!

Weather like this offered the perfect excuse to not go outside for my daily run. Besides, I was already physically tired from taking a dance class yesterday and mentally tired from a stressful dream (see previous blog); all the arrows pointed to a no-run decision for today. Yet...I couldn't rest without it; something inside pushed me to go. I have always lacked self discipline, always followed the whim of my feelings and therefore historically loathed running.  To me it was a form of physical torture. 

But four weeks ago, something mysterious happened. It was like the running gene in my body got turned on and I've been running six days a week since then. Even though my muscles have ached day and night, there has been no peace inside without the daily run. Is it the endorphins? Is it my subconscious? Is it the Holy Spirit? What part of me is making me want to run?

I never cheated in school. Except once, in Grade 10 Gym class, when I took a short cut during 'the run' (and got caught by the teacher--who was driving her car). 

I ran today. It was my longest distance since High School. And the wettest ever.

Is life one big test?

I had a dream this morning. In it I had three hours to write two exams - one for English and one for French. The English exam required writing a story. Most of my effort went to writing the story, but distractions continuously beset me and it became virtually impossible to focus throughout the dream. I tried to move into a different room hoping that would enable better concentration... All the while that clock was ticking; two hours had passed and I hadn't even started on the French exam. Yet others had completed their tests and started to leave! Finally, a breakthrough came for a good story; I decided to move back to the exam room to complete it. But to my horror, I couldn't find the room again! Near the end, while still in the dream, I realized I had only been dreaming and relief began to flood over me!

Life feels like one long continuous test sometimes. It's tiring and frustrating because our bondage to 'performance' is hideously strong. But once we realize performance is not required, we experience incredible freedom.

In the Old Testament...when we read of Hebrew priests accepting sacrifices from the people, it's crucial to recognize that they only examine the sacrificial lambs for perfection; they do not analyze the people at all. In the same way, God does not judge Christians by examining us or our works; He sees our perfect and blameless Jesus, our sacrificial lamb, and accepts His death for us. Such reliance on Jesus makes us free; our bondage to self-justification by performance is forever broken.

Lest we forget

Remembrance Day is more than just a day off--way more. It's one day each year where I feel patriotic because of our war veterans; one day I allow myself to want to be a soldier. Admiration for the few remaining silver haired heroes came easily as they marched to the sound of our applause. As much as our generation loathes war, the fact remains: our freedom and way of life came at the price of other people's blood and sacrifice.

Remembrance Day 2010

The most important question is...

Is God my sole object of worship? Even when the world is caving in all around, even when things don't make sense, even when evil seems to run wild...? Yeah, we should worship even more then.

Because our problems are small, our concerns are usually trivial, and we are tiny. We are like vapour (James 4:13-14); it's good to remember that. Our minds and hearts are habitually self-inflating. The interesting thing is that as we turn away from ourselves to focus on God, we begin to see things from his viewpoint until, suddenly, our self-concerns show themselves to be very small, even to us.

Canadian Rockies Sept 2009

Foggy

Exactly a week ago this was the view outside my window.  It's a pretty accurate picture of my mind trying to write a blog tonight.

What's your success story?

We tend to think of success to be something like this: a self-made man/woman overcomes obstacles to attain a level of achievement bringing them wealth and fame...  

But not everyone will reach 'success' like this; if we take the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) seriously, we know that Jesus must have a different kind of success in mind.

Take my friend Jake (not his real name) for example; he wasn't dealt a full deck of cards in the game called life. Born to alcoholic parents, Jake has fetal alcohol syndrome. Because of parental neglect, he spent practically all of his childhood years bouncing from one foster home to another--including some horrendous years in one of Canada's infamous residential schools. He endured abuse of every type from his earliest formative years into adulthood. By the time he was a teenage, he was a solid alcoholic, simmering inside with inexplicable (to him) rage. 

Family has always been important to him...mainly because he really never had one. When he found out that his biological sister was raped by her boyfriend, he killed the boyfriend--perhaps partially out of love for the sister and partially out of deep seeded anger inside. However, a turning point in Jake's life happened while in jail, where for several years another inmate--a Christian--ministered to him. Jake took hold of Jesus' love and forgiveness, and began to see himself in a new light. 

Jake is in his 50's now. Having become a Christian didn't change the fact of his fetal alcohol syndrome, nor did it completely erase the residual effects of the abuses he endured, but faith in Jesus has sustained him all these years. And so everyday that he is alive and sober is a success. 'To whom much is given, much is required' (Luke 12:48). 

To an outsider, such "success" does not look like much, but to God it is significant. Heaven will be so sweet for Jake.

Why did Jesus weep for Lazarus?

An amazing account in the Bible (John 11:1-44) has Jesus arrive at the home of his friends Mary, Martha and their brother Lazarus. Lazarus has just died and everyone is heartbroken. And we read that Jesus wept. Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead. In fact, Jesus knew he would do this even before Lazarus died--while he was still just sick.

What was it that made him weep?  

It was not death that drew his tears, it was the weeping of his friends--their pain--that moved him to tears. (John 11:33) Death was not the problem; he had and still has a solution for it.  But the sorrow that death and separation brings to mankind was never meant for us. He grieved for our pain. He grieved over the consequences of the fall on us.

God is not some impersonal force in the universe.

On the contrary, He is 'a Man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief...' (Isaiah 53:3) 

What keeps you up at night?

Our subconscious self sometimes acts like our master. When it is not happy, you can't be happy either; how many sleepless nights we've had to suffer because of unresolved issues deep inside?  In our waking hours, we can use our rational faculties to overcome inner discomfort or we can compensate by distracting ourselves with other things. Our inner self is smarter than that though...cognitive self-talk or distracting activities are mere bandaids that pop off in our sleep. 

Some people think that this subconscious self is our 'god', the part of us that knows all things and therefore whatever it wills, we must heed. But the subconscious is not perfect and it certainly isn't all knowing; it merely harbors our perceptions of the outside world, which are not always good or even true.

When the Bible talks about the renewal of our mind (Romans 12:2), it doesn't just refer to our active cognitive function, it is talking about an overhaul of our entire internal world--including the subconscious layer. Sometimes stress-induced sleepless nights indicate that divine work is being done inside; maybe our values need to shift, maybe some form of deception regarding ourselves or the world has to be revealed.

For Christians, praying to God can redeem our sleep loss; more importantly, desiring transformation can shorten the sleepless cycle, as it dethrones the small 'god' inside us and welcomes the big God--who made us and who can safeguard our absolute "rest".